Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Been a weird few years. Only just got back into exposing myself in public. You know. With lengthy, meaningless, meandering, much too personal prose. One difference - I've taken to Tweeting my finger off instead of just blogging my guts out.

Been resistant to social media because of my penicillin sensitivity. (Because it's social, like VD used to be "social disease" get it? Huh yeah--- never mind. Lame over-reach there.)

So I got lonely & thought I'd give the whole Twit thing another go. I prefer it to Facebook. Never could get into that. Ironically enough, I prefer the quick hit that Twitter offers. No opportunity to get vociferous because of the 140 thing.

Yet I love to ramble on and FB allows that. I just feel very exposed at FB. Too many people that know me from the disaster strewn timeline of my life. The posts linger too long. Anyone can see everything. Don't like that. Too damned shy.

Yes, shy. I have the soul of a recluse yet an empty ailing lonely heart. Desperate to make a connection. I'm vulnerable for it. And it has cost me in the past. Always my own big mouth's doing. But painful none the less.

In fact Twitter may be a little too quick. My mind likes skipping around to different topics. I still love collecting ideas & Twitter is a wide river with a fast moving current. Always being brought new things, ideas, images, thoughts and people. But it's so fast that I can't connect.

I don't know how to connect one on one, face to face. So I squirm & alienate & don't get and/or stay connected. And that's when I have the room to wriggle and sidestep & walk away. 

I'm tired. 10AM. Tired. Listless.  Lifeless  Scared of dying like this. Trying to stay short & sweet via Twitter training . Obviously, no luck. Alas.

No joy in Mudville.

Mighty Ceci has struck out.

The big Cx

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