Saturday, December 19, 2015

Beauty, Family , Seasonal Effective Disorder & the Almighty Void

Finally saw the Wiz live. Broadway show revival. On TV. Missed first half watching original Wizard of Oz. Very meta.
I forgot the impact live performance musicalsh have on me.

Watching enjoying myself, then the fog descends over me and I become sad. Verge of tears. Not sure why but I expect it has to do with gigantic gaping fissures  in my psyche that are my character faults.

Every single time it's the same cloak of repeating words, "So beautiful. Too beautiful. Yet something else I will never be able to do."

I am incapable of beauty and it breaks my heart everytime I remember that. Stupid tears in response to feeling stupid sorry for myself. Always.

Just tried to watch Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. Fifteen minutes is all I lasted. Then they were unecessarily cruel to two animal characters. Seperatigthem from their families and killing or abusing their children in their absence.

I can't describe how much I hate that crap! Yes, fiction. Yes cg animals. Nothing realm yet I am so enraged & upset. Family issues. Just freaking disembowel me with a dull hatpin.

My stupid feelings get hurt so easily. Devastated by what isn't real. But I hate it. People you love being taken from you and killed IS NOT FUCKING ENTERTAINMENT!!!

Not for me.

Not ever.

Merry Christmas.


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